When I almost wanted to commit suicide, God wasn't there.
When there was only 20 bucks left in my pocket to go through 2 weeks, God wasn't there.
When I faced troubles that I could hardly breath, God wasn't there.When I quietly cried at night, God wasn't there.
Sometimes, I thought I lived my life alone and there was no one there to save me, and once again I thought God wasn't there.
I once thought maybe because I was not God's favorite child, so God often left me to walk this life alone. I also wondered maybe I was put at the back of the list, the least of everyone, therefore He hasn't helped me because He was still helping others.
I often heard people saying how God helped them instantly.So, I also waited and hoped that my turn would finally come. As time goes by, I told myself His promises are true, but maybe just not for me.
Then I realized,
If I never wanted to commit suicide, I would never know how to be strong to overcome the sadness and sorrow of this world.
If I never in need of money, I would never know how hard my parents have been struggling to provide all of my needs.
If my life never be that hard, I would never be who I am now.
If I never cried, I would never know how precious one smile is.
All of us might think that God is never there for us when we face troubles. Through the hardest time He is never there to help us. But who we are that we can understand the mighty of his plan? I thought that He wanted to make me suffer, but what could my life be if I never went through those hard times. However, at that time, I didn't understand at all. If I still could praise God and be grateful for everything at those tough times, it was simply because it was what the church told me to do. I never really understand until the bigger picture was shown to me. God works in very mysterious ways. Maybe He doesn't want me to have everything instantly, but He definitely wants the best for me. And maybe, God was never really away from me; He just simply step aside and let us learn how to live this life.
Now, I might be in difficulties and I honestly don't know what will it mean to me. But one thing for sure, I thank God for everything happened, happening and will happen in my life. I thank God for making me smile and thank Him for letting me cry. Because years might pass by, but one thing I believe with my heart and soul that Jesus makes everything beautiful in its time, even though I may not fathom it from the beginning till the end. So, let everyone who is still waiting for God promises like me, behold and stand still, because God was never far away. ^^
